The Art of Saying NO: Boundaries, Success and Self-Respect | Kyle Brookes

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Hi, and welcome to Author Conversations again with me, Chris Dabbs as usual.

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Now here's an interesting point for you, right?

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It's quite possible to look successful from the outside, you know, to have a thriving

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business, to be earning good money, driving great cars and all that sort of stuff.

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And yet, you discover that things aren't quite as successful as you thought, and that's

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what happened to my guest today, Kyle Brookes.

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Precisely, 247, one Tuesday morning in 2019, Kyle found himself looking at his net worth,

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and realised that although he was earning really good money, he wasn't actually building

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the wealth that he'd imagined.

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It was a turning point.

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And since then, he's developed a coaching program and written a series of books about discipline,

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money, relationships and personal responsibility.

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One of those books is The Art of No, which explores something I suspect quite a few of

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us struggle with, especially if we're married, I don't know.

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Anyway, yeah, we definitely struggle with this.

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It's knowing when to say no.

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So, Kyle, welcome to author conversations.

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I am really looking forward to learning some good stuff from you today.

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How are you today?

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Fantastic, Chris.

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It's great to be here.

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Thank you so much for hosting me.

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Hey, no, no, no, I'm super excited to be able to find out what it is that you can teach

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us and basically what your program and your books are all about.

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So, let's go back then and start all the way back in that 2019 scenario, right?

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You've described sitting there at 247 in the morning, by the way, not at lunchtime or something

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in the morning, looking at your finances, busy guy.

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What was it about that that you saw that, you know, made you think, do you know what, I've

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got to change something because you were earning a lot, right?

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Not like a peasant or something.

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So, what made you decide to change?

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I love the fact that you used the word peasant, because it's something I'm used to using

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over there in sub-Africa.

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Well, that's a great question.

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From my perspective, I was sitting outside after a 16-hour day, I was working at my engineering

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job, got out and realized that I was living paycheck to paycheck.

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And I was sick and tired of it because I was earning more than the majority of what people

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in sub-Africa was earning.

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So, I didn't understand why it is that my incomeings wasn't matching what I wanted to have

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as an outcomings.

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And I was tired of being led to going, okay, are we going to be able to make it this month?

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Are we going to be able to pay the rents?

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Are we going to be able to do anything other than just survive?

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I want to remove from surviving to thriving.

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Love it.

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I love that.

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And you know what?

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I think a lot of people are in that position, aren't they?

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You know, I think that it's a great thing to have.

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I guess, you want to have an ambition, don't you?

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You don't want to just survive.

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You want to thrive, don't you?

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And I guess I experienced, eventually led you to the system that you've built your books

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around, right?

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So, what were the first things that you actually changed in your own life to realize that,

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you know, something was particularly good or, you know, you had to get rid of or whatever?

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It took us through how you had what happened next, basically.

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The framework was sitting there looking at my bank balances and realizing that I can't

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go on like this.

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It's not something that's sustainable.

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So I took a step back and started to really evaluate my life and looked at it from the perspective

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of an outside observer.

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If somebody was watching a TV show, say, for example, you know the Truman Show with Jim

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Gary the movie, he's got a full-on audience watching his life.

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And I put myself into that perspective.

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I looked at it from the outside perspective and said, is this the life of a hero?

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Or is this the life of somebody that's just a non-player character?

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And it was essentially, I was a non-player character and I said, okay, I need to change this.

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So I looked at what was the fact that was in my life and started removing every single

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one of those.

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And in every area that it came to.

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So obviously you have the physical area.

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I've got a thing called the full-pull-of-blue print.

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And we look at your physical dominance, your mental mastery, your social sovereignty and

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your financial freedom.

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I looked at every single one of those areas and I noticed that three of the legs were off.

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And you know that if you take three legs off of a stool or a chair, what's going to happen?

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Because it's got to collapse, isn't it?

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Precisely.

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And that was what was happening to my life in real time.

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That's really interesting.

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So you look at the four parts of somebody or you get people to look at their own four

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parts, right?

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And that's okay.

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So when you started to look at this, was there anything that you cut that you found was really

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difficult to let go of?

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Because you said that you, I think a lot of this comes from discipline, right?

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So if you said that you've got all this fat and not just physical fat, but you've got other

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things going on that you just, I don't know, were toxic?

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Is that the word to use?

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I know a lot of us use that word now, but I mean, is that what you were looking at?

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100% so you look at your social sovereignty, right?

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You are the, the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with and the books

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that you read.

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And if you are spending time with a lot of people that are just going on on the weekends,

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getting drunk to try and forget the week, guess what?

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You're the other person, right?

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And from that perspective, you take yourself out of that picture and you start to see,

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okay, well, if I'm with these guys, if I've forward cost 10 years from now, I'm actually

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going to be in the same stuff.

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And essentially I was.

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So I said, okay, these guys are all the people that I need to start cutting out.

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I looked at my bank balance with regards to my food, eating out.

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Obviously, in South Africa, it's a lot easier to go and eat out instead of making your own

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food, which most of us do.

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Uber eats and everything is made life so convenient and comfortable that we tend not to eat

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what we should be eating.

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So I started to meal prep and you find that there's a lot of leaks that once you start

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to cut that out, it allows you to firstly build more confidence in yourself because you

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said, right, discipline is important.

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Discipline gets you there.

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Motivation will get you started.

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Discipline keeps you going, but devotion is what makes it seem like it's no longer a job.

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It's fun to do.

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I like that.

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Do you know what?

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I haven't heard that before.

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I mean, obviously, you know, I heard they need to focus and all that sort of thing.

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But devotion.

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Yeah, devotion to wanting to change, right?

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And a devotion to making it a long term choice, right?

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Precisely.

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And if you look at it, if you look at it from those perspectives and you look at those

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areas and you assign metrics to that, you start yourself at the bottom baseline.

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And then every single month, you start to go up and up and that gives you so much more

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confidence in not only yourself, but in how you present yourself to everybody around

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you.

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You have this fire burning within you that people start to pick up on immediately.

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So are you saying then that, I mean, to put it really sort of simply for a simple person

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like me, that you're putting in sort of like a framework that you're following with goals

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and all those things that you achieve on a monthly basis.

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And because you're achieving them, that's just spurring you on and increasing your devotion

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and your focus.

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Yes, sir.

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Tony Rubin says that progress equals happiness.

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And the best definition of success that I've ever heard comes from old Nightingale.

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He said success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

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Therefore, if you are working towards getting your degree or your master and you consistently

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make progress towards that, you are successful.

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Once you achieve that now, you're no longer successful.

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You have to put another goal in place and that's how it spurs on.

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Yeah, I feel for that one.

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I've got to say, yeah, that's true actually because you are building a business or whatever

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it is and you get to a certain level and you've done it and you think, okay, now what,

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I've just spent however long grasping, crawling, all that sort of stuff to make sure that you

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do it.

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That's really super interesting.

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Okay, let's talk about one of the books here.

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The art of note.

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All right, so this is super interesting because, I mean, you know, saying no sounds like such

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a simple thing, but as I kind of alluded to earlier on, it's not that simple because some

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people just find it incredibly difficult to turn people down, don't they?

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I mean, but why do you think so many of us actually do struggle to say no, even when we know

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that we probably shouldn't be doing that?

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And also, what's the line between setting boundaries and simply being selfish or rude?

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Because I think that's important.

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Most people just think they're being rude.

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Hmm, I like that.

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I like that.

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I think what keeps most of us from saying no is other people's perceptions of who we are.

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We're afraid that if we say no, they're going to have this perspective that that Kyle's

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just so rude, he doesn't want to ever do anything with us or he doesn't want to do this for me.

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But what happens is that when you're always saying yes to people, particularly people like

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in the vocational area at work, essentially you're robbing them of developing that skill

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to empower themselves.

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You know, Jesus talks about you can either give a man a fisher, you can teach a man to

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fish.

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And that's the same sort of principle that I have threaded into this book.

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No means that you're going, no for me doing this work for you.

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However, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be able to help you or enable you to

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do it yourself.

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So that's asking in a workplace scenario, what you're talking about, I guess there are like

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co-workers or friends or colleagues, whatever, who are asking you to do something.

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I mean, obviously you've got boundaries, how many of you?

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Because if your boss comes along and demands that something's done by certain time, telling

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them to get lost is probably not a good idea, right?

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And this of course, you are overworked, right?

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And this is the point, I think, you know, being able to understand what your boundaries

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or where your boundaries are.

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And also being professional enough, I think, in that instance is what you're saying to be

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able to say to your boss, "No, come on, you've got to treat me however you want to put

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it."

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No, that's quite interesting.

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So have you had any scenarios yourself that you, when you came out with this plan, if

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you like, where saying no really works and you actually really thought it wouldn't

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work?

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100 percent. In 2018, it is an experiment called the boundary paradox, where I said no to

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almost everything.

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You know, there's, for me, what I love to do is I love to experiment.

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The curiosity is one of the most important things that we could ever develop.

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And it's one of the key values that I put in the Warriot King framework.

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And what I did is I looked at how can I say no to as many different things as possible

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and then real, real back from there?

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It's kind of like going for your PR and the gym, go straight to the highest amount and then

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dial it back to a working weight.

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And that's exactly the evidence that I wanted to build up.

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And what I established that the more I said no to people, the more they started to respect

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me and respect my time.

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And they said, "Okay, Kyle, I know you're busy right now, but I need this, this, this

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and this.

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Could you please help me out in a timeframe that sets you or their works for you?"

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And what that established was, it gave me the ability to kick and choose when I decided

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to help people, but also still develop myself and them in the process of it.

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You know what?

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Honestly, that is, I think people listen to this view as, "That is a really important thing

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because what you're actually doing there, of course, by saying no and people coming to

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you and saying, and asking, you know, I know you're busy or saying that you're busy,

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is that you're increasing your actual natural worth, aren't you, really?

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You know, people are seeing you.

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And the valuing you, more so, than just someone who's going to do their work for them, right?

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So they're actually starting to value their, your time and of course that increases your

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currency.

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Precisely.

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I mean, imagine if Gold was just lying in the streets of it away.

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We wouldn't think those pressures as it is right now, but because we have to work so hard

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to get it, essentially it's precious.

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That's brilliant.

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So, do you have, like, a, can you tell us of maybe a case study or something where you've

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worked with someone who really, really had an issue with being able to do this?

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And then of course, tried it and it either worked or it didn't work, but eventually it would

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have worked, wouldn't it?

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I guess it's working with you.

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Yes, well, 100% there.

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There was one gentleman, I'm not going to let his name, get his name out of you obviously,

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but he was working at a construction company.

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And for the longest time, his boss was taking advantage of him, you know, getting a lot of

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overtime, making sure that he was consistently at the work environment, even though he didn't

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need to really be there.

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Essentially, he was getting the responsibility of being a supervisor, but not getting the

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pay.

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And this started to affect what happened at home as well.

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And from the perspective of where he was coming from, I was like, okay, well, let's start establishing

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some boundaries.

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It doesn't mean that we have to just go straight from zero to hero, but let's start doing

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a little bit of pushback and test where that boundary is.

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And once he started saying no to a couple of these things, his boss kind of started to push

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back and push back and push back onto him.

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But what that led is that led to his superior, his boss's superior identifying that this guy

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was putting all this extra work onto the person that I was coaching and therefore moved him

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out of that position and eventually moved the person I coached into the position of the

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boss.

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Pretty much.

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But see, there you go.

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I mean, that just encapsulates everything, doesn't it?

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You know, at the end of the day, if you get pushed around at work, it also transfers over

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to home to your home life for definite, for sure.

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Your partner is not going to appreciate that coming home late, not being paid for it and

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everything.

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It also works out in the end.

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Okay, well great.

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Well, so again, that is the first pillar, right?

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So let's have a look at reforging the modern man.

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All right.

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Now, obviously there's a lot in the press at the moment that people try and say, you know,

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there's too much of it.

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There's too much of that.

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There's whatever else, right?

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But you use a phrase called a soft age to describe the world that men are living in today.

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And, you know, what do you actually mean by that?

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I mean, what do you think that men have lost?

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How are we becoming less resilient or just more willing to talk about problems and difficulties?

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So when I say soft, I mean, comfortable.

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I mean, you don't have to get up and hunt anymore.

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You know, longer, you just give a get a phone call or get an app and you can get your food

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delivered to your door.

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When you wake up, you get out of bed, you go straight to get your coffee on and that's

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it.

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Most of the clients that I know, they have a difficult time fasting.

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I mean, it's a 12 hour fast.

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It's not very, it's not drastic, but to do a 12 hour fast, they're like, oh, my, my hunger

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pains are, are killing me right now.

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And I'm like, that's not a hunger pains, guys.

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That's your, that's a craving, essentially.

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What's happening is your body is detoxing from the carbohydrates that weigh in your system.

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And essentially, it's the same like a drug.

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You're, you're coming off from for sugar high or whatever it is that you were consuming.

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And that's what your body is going to process.

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So when I say soft, I mean soft as in the fact that we're in such a comfortable state with

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climate control, with everything that has come through.

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And we're also living in a age where if you want any information, it's not like you have

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to go to the library and research anymore.

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Now you just go on your phone and take it up and that's it.

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So the resilient factor of having to push through things is no longer there for us.

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It's causing a lot of us men to drift.

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It's like being behind a Boeing 747, you're the pilot.

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You don't have no navigation system on, but you're like, yeah, okay, I'll get to the destination

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when I get to the destination.

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You're going to eventually want to know if you're going to just go around the houses,

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if you just don't, don't, all of that.

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Do you know what?

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That's actually a really good point.

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I mean, it's, it's kind of, I like to think like that as well.

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So in other words, you know, I go back to the caveman thing, right?

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So if you're a caveman, back then, you know, you had to go out and forage, find your foods.

295
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You did not let them even necessarily as a caveman, right?

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But you know, you're basically a hunter-gatherer.

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And we are still kind of wired for that, aren't we?

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You know, which is difficult if it's too simple.

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I mean, it can be everything, as you say.

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You get your food delivered.

301
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Well, that's even easier than having to prep it, right?

302
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So, well, you know, it's a slippery slope.

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And yeah, you know, that's, and that's 12-hour fast that you mentioned as well, which

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is quite interesting because most of that could be a sleep.

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Couldn't it, right?

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And so there is that, right?

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So you've got that.

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But you know, again, these things, I think that we're missing out on a lot of these things

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that basically, I guess, mankind took full, and I mean, mankind is in everybody, took for

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granted.

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You know, I get up in the morning, hey, I don't even press start on my coffee machine

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because I programmed it the night before.

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It's not like I'm a genius, right?

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So you know, I get it, I set it up at 4am and I get up at my hour of sticks or something

315
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and it's there.

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Like, 2 hours cold, but it's all good.

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So you know, I mean, and I think that, being like that, is a symptom of the modern age,

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right?

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And I'm, would I prefer to have lived 200 years ago?

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Right?

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In that sort of environment, well, no, obviously, I quite like everything that I do now, but

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do people actually sort of not realize how simple life is in comparison and just basically

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find excuses, is that too harsh?

324
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But do they find reasons to not do stuff like you were saying about hunger pains for, yeah?

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And then, for example, one of the things that I eventually get clients to do is just wake

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up 15 minutes earlier than they would if they normally.

327
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And I set, I set wake up time, right?

328
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You know how difficult it is to have them have that set wake up time in the weekend?

329
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Oh, my goodness.

330
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It is?

331
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It's crazy.

332
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Like, for me, I wake up at 4.30 every single day.

333
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That's my wake up time and I get my routine going.

334
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But I didn't just go from 0 to here, I started at 8 o'clock and then I moved back 15 minutes

335
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after a week and then 15 minutes after a week and you do it.

336
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,920
It's the same process like boiling a frog.

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If you took a frog, not that I'm saying you suggest anybody to do this, it's strictly

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theoretical.

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You take it, you throw it into boiling water, it will hop straight right out of the pot,

340
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right?

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But you put it into a pot of lukewarm water and you slowly start to increase the temperature

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before long that frog will be boiled.

343
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The same thing with our habits, with anything that we try to attain in life.

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Don't try and do everything at one time.

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If you specifically focus, which is an acronym for Follow One Course and Toles Accessful,

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you will be able to get where you need to go to.

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Follow One Course until it's exactly.

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I love it and dance the other things.

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I think that people are scared of that because they're uncomfortable with it.

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They think they should go from 0 to heroes, you say immediately.

351
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Why can't I do this?

352
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They just lose out.

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I love the, I think in sports or whatever it is, isn't there something about to become a

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real expert?

355
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,040
You could have invest 10,000 hours in it.

356
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Something like that.

357
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It's a point by Malcolm Gladwell, he speaks about the 10,000 hour benchmark.

358
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Once you reach that, you essentially become a master of what you do.

359
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You love to invest 10,000 hours in something, I've got to say.

360
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,480
But that's my weakness, right?

361
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,360
Well, that's fine then.

362
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,480
You mean, area for improvements.

363
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,480
No such thing as weakness, just an area for improvements.

364
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,480
Love it.

365
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,840
Now, you're absolutely, again, you're absolutely right there.

366
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That's very true.

367
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Something I should look at to improve.

368
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,000
Okay.

369
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,960
So talking about this coaching that you just did, love it.

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00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:52,240
So through Scalaba coaching and your forge program, you work with men who've been through

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relationship breakups and are trying to rebuild their lives, right?

372
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What do you find that they're struggling with most when they first come to you?

373
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A whole set of different things.

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One thing would be poor boundaries with the ex or a loss of identity.

375
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How many times have you been with somebody and essentially you start adopting their identity

376
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and it becomes almost merged.

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And then when that relationship ends, now you're still wanting to go back to that previous

378
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person.

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And you feel a little bit of drift and that's what tends to happen with a lot of these

380
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gentlemen.

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Isolation, you know, after they've been that relationship, they don't want to be around

382
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people.

383
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And then actually when you need the brothers to kind of go, hey guys, we're going to get you

384
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out.

385
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We're not going to drink.

386
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We're going to the bar, the gym, the bar, the gym.

387
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,360
That's where you're going to be lifting because that's essentially a men.

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00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:51,120
One thing I noticed is that men require strategically placed uncomfortable, hard events for

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us to do together.

390
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For example, rugby.

391
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,760
You look at a rugby team.

392
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Guys are extremely bonded because they're doing difficult things together on a regular

393
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basis.

394
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,800
And if we start to do that type of thing, the bond between you and your brother becomes

395
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:12,440
stronger, but also you start to acknowledge things in a completely different way.

396
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,920
Yeah, that's true.

397
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Team work like that.

398
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,480
I speak to a lot of military people who say that all the time, you know, it's a bit different

399
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for them of course because they're talking about life and death situations.

400
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:32,680
But trusting your brothers and your sisters in military terms is something, and I think

401
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,680
people are worried about that.

402
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:40,640
I think they don't see it because what they see is various levels of physical strength,

403
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:45,680
various levels of talent, various levels of mental mastery as you would say.

404
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,120
All of those things, which are parts of your pillars, aren't they, which you mentioned

405
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,120
earlier on.

406
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:54,880
I mean, why do you believe that those four things are so important for somebody trying

407
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,440
to get their life back on track?

408
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,160
I mean, you're saying that they have to really sort of, you know, find an area that they've

409
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,520
neglected and work on that or is it all of them at the same time?

410
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:08,000
You think about it from the perspective of harmony instead of balance.

411
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,040
If you were trying to balance all of those things at one time, imagine balancing four

412
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plates as you try to live it to a table.

413
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,080
It implies a lot of stress.

414
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:24,600
But if you look at an orchestra, you've got the harp, the cello, the flute, every single

415
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:30,600
one of those instruments has their own time and they come together to create a symphony

416
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,680
that is beautiful, the same with the four-pillar blueprint.

417
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:41,400
You start looking at which of the areas that I am weakest in and you harmonize the rest

418
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,320
of them so that they all match together.

419
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:48,680
I'm not saying go balls to wall and one and then balls to wall and the next and the next.

420
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,520
But rather, look at it holistically and say, okay, I'm going to look at time blocking,

421
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,280
a specific amount of time to this.

422
00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:01,360
And for workouts, physical only requires three strength workouts a week and getting 8,000

423
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:02,880
steps in every single day.

424
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:07,720
You do that and you'll be in the top 10% of our fitness people in the world.

425
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,560
That's how low the bar is set right now.

426
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:18,600
With mental, all you have to do is read some books and consistently work on yourself.

427
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:19,600
What's it called?

428
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,840
I do meditation regularly.

429
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:26,240
It helps to ground you for the day and it helps you to essentially put a bulletproof vest

430
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,240
on.

431
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:32,320
When you walk outside, now you know that you have the internal loaders of control instead

432
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:37,160
of having an external loaders control and looking at everybody else's perception of you,

433
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:44,160
rather you dominate or change the situation to be able to be beneficial to yourself and

434
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,160
the people around you.

435
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,680
When when situations?

436
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,680
I think that that's great.

437
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,240
Those four pillars and the way that you look at how you come out with a bulletproof vest

438
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:58,000
on after actually spending some time with yourself because you reevaluate it yourself,

439
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,000
I guess.

440
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:04,440
You realize you're starting to realize your own self-worth, I guess, on that side of things.

441
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,440
Yeah, excellent.

442
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:09,760
I want to come back to money for a moment because this is so interesting.

443
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:14,400
We could talk for hours about this, but not money, but the whole thing.

444
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,360
That's really where your own story began, right?

445
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:22,680
You've written financial acceleration about building wealth rather than just earning it,

446
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,960
which is, I think, quite an interesting way to put that, isn't it?

447
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:30,720
Because building it or just earning it, they are completely different.

448
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,320
What was your own understanding of financial success?

449
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,880
Has that really changed since that 2019?

450
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:43,280
I found that the best definition for myself and how I classified what financial freedom

451
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:49,160
looks like is doing what you want, when you want, for as long as you want, with the people

452
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,680
that you want.

453
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,560
If you could do that, then you have financial freedom.

454
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:59,000
When I started looking at how I can bold that, I said, "Okay, one of the areas that I'm

455
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,880
good at," and I took 10 different areas and I said, "Okay, well, I'm good at automation,

456
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,880
so that's one business that I can run."

457
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,360
Excellent at coaching and helping people because that's something that I'm passionate

458
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,960
about. When I discovered my purpose was to impact a hundred thousand men's lives through

459
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,640
the four pillars that make up their lives, that was something that eventually guided my

460
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,280
company and that's one of our mission statements.

461
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:31,400
Then I also looked at other areas that I can utilize at a leverage AI as well as other opportunities

462
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,400
to bold apps.

463
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,160
I've got an application company as well.

464
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,520
What you do is you say, "Okay, we are good.

465
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:43,680
What do I enjoy doing and how can I utilize or leverage that to start building different

466
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,280
income streams?"

467
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,920
Because if you're just earning a big salary, that's okay.

468
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,960
But what happens if you get injured?

469
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,560
What happens if you can't work for a particular time?

470
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:58,360
Oh, God forbid, another pandemic gets and your job goes away.

471
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,120
You get laid off.

472
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:04,320
As you get to a certain age, you become too expensive for that organization and that's

473
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,720
what they do, isn't it?

474
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,720
Yeah, but this is what I thought you meant.

475
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:15,440
It's about different income streams to build your wealth because then you can decide what

476
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:16,440
you do.

477
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,520
You're doing something that you love.

478
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:24,600
Another point that you've brought up as well, which is quite interesting, is about leadership.

479
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:30,080
I think that if you're running your own businesses and you're taking on a leadership role within

480
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,080
those businesses.

481
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:38,000
Surely, at the end of the day, not everybody is cut out as leadership in terms of something

482
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,880
evolving other people at work or in business or something.

483
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:49,560
I think that, do you think that people have to learn to kind of lead themselves before

484
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,320
they can really lead anybody else?

485
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,800
Yes, 100%.

486
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:54,800
Yes.

487
00:27:54,800 --> 00:28:00,840
I look at dancing the way that I look at leadership.

488
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:06,480
You get the opportunity to take somebody else in a journey when you're the male lead, right?

489
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:11,680
You're listening to the music, you're getting emalgamated, and you're getting the partners

490
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,080
body to move with it.

491
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,400
They can just have the opportunity to let go.

492
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:22,760
But you can only truly do that once you understand how to follow in particular dancing and then

493
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,440
how to lead yourself.

494
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:32,920
Once you understand the implementation of this is the routine that I am going through, because

495
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:38,360
you're either going to run a program yourself that you create or that the world creates for

496
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:39,360
you.

497
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:44,320
For most people, it's wake up, have some breakfast, go on Instagram for a couple of hours or social

498
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,440
media and then move on.

499
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:52,080
But if you start to establish a routine that actually benefits you, it's going to benefit

500
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:56,080
the people around you as well.

501
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,280
They say that a rising tide raises all ships.

502
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:02,080
You have to be that rising tide for people around you.

503
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:06,480
And I love the leading, you know, in dancing idea as well, because of course you can't lead

504
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,520
anyone unless you know what you're doing, right?

505
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,720
So are you going to be confident in doing that?

506
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:11,720
Thanks a lot.

507
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,360
You've taken something that I guess is a fairly personal experience, right?

508
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,920
You know, that 247 in the morning thing.

509
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,640
And you've turned it into books and coaching that you hope will make a difference to other

510
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:22,640
people.

511
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,640
You said 10,000 men, you want to help, right?

512
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:26,640
100,000.

513
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,640
Yes, sir.

514
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:28,640
100,000.

515
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:29,640
See, look at me.

516
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,640
I didn't even compute that you are.

517
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,120
I mean, my worldview is that small, right?

518
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,120
What can I say?

519
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,320
But okay, 100,000 men, right?

520
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,680
How do you expect to help 100,000 men within 10 years?

521
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,320
Or what do you hope to get?

522
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:45,320
Yes.

523
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:50,160
My goal is to help 100,000 men's lives through the four pillars that make up their throne,

524
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:54,920
which were namely physical dominance, mental mastery, social sovereignty, and financial

525
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,240
freedom.

526
00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:01,840
And it doesn't mean that I'm personally going to be helping 100,000 men.

527
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:06,840
But you have one person and you teach them the framework and they're able to impart that

528
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,240
to another three people.

529
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,840
Now, that exponentially grows.

530
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:15,000
It's the same system as compound interest.

531
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,960
It's a, the eight miracle of the world.

532
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,200
That's what Einstein called it.

533
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:19,520
It's exactly the same principle.

534
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:26,080
All you have to do is focus on helping a core number of people establishing the right framework

535
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,040
for them and having them impart that knowledge onto other people.

536
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:35,440
I've established that sort of network over here in Richmond where I've had the opportunity

537
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:41,800
to coach some amazing men and help them establish the baseline of knowledge.

538
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:47,240
And now they've got their own fitness applications while running an electrical company.

539
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:56,840
So they're blossoming into what they could possibly lead to helping even more.

540
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,280
So that's so good.

541
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,400
So again, you know, that's the fish thing, isn't it?

542
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,320
You can teach someone to fish or you can give them a fish, right?

543
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:08,920
And so you're teaching them and it's just being paid forward all the time, isn't it?

544
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:09,920
Which I think is great.

545
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:10,920
Okay.

546
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,320
Final thought here, right?

547
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,560
For somebody who's watching this who feels like they've lost direction, let's say, there's

548
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:17,560
quite a few people like this, right?

549
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:22,960
But you've got to realize you've lost all that's what you're thinking, I think, right?

550
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:28,360
What's one thing that they could do today to start changing how they think?

551
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,160
I don't know.

552
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,160
Is it going to be a big thing?

553
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,160
Is it going to be a small thing?

554
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,760
Well, what would you suggest?

555
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:39,680
Well, if they could take one thing from what we discussed today, the next time that somebody

556
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:46,120
asked them for their time, pause before your answer, they know isn't selfish.

557
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,320
It makes your yes worth something.

558
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:51,960
That's the main aspect of it.

559
00:31:51,960 --> 00:32:00,160
Like I said, when you become a scarce commodity, people will demand more of you, but they will

560
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,640
demand it respectfully.

561
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:06,120
So basically everyone, just start thinking about your own time.

562
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,960
It's not about being selfish and it's not about being rude.

563
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,200
It's, you know, it's about listening to what Karl has been saying and it's about looking

564
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,600
at his books, okay?

565
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:18,960
So Karl Brookes' books include The Art of Know, Reforging the Modern Man and The Warrior King

566
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:19,960
Code.

567
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,120
You know, it's amazing.

568
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,200
Karl, thank you very much indeed for joining me on author conversations today.

569
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,400
Tell us about your social media and websites and all that sort of stuff.

570
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:30,400
Perfect.

571
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:37,480
Well, you can find me out, Karen Karl on Instagram and then Karl K Brookes is my website.

572
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:38,640
That's Brooks with the ES.

573
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:44,000
And then the company is a scholar by coaching the scholar with two Rs. the second Rs because

574
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,400
we always get results.

575
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,400
Here you go.

576
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,400
Excalibur coaching.

577
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,400
Excellent.

578
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:50,400
Love it.

579
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,520
So people, yeah, make sure you ask our questions.

580
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:53,640
Make sure that you leave comments.

581
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,680
Make sure that you just get involved with everything.

582
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,040
So once again, Karl, thank you very much for joining me on author conversations.

583
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,880
I hope that we talk again when we, when, you know, you're moving forward with the program

584
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,120
and some more books because I'm sure that people will be really interested to hear more

585
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,120
from you.

586
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,120
I know I certainly will be.

587
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,120
Definitely.

588
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,120
Awesome.

589
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,480
Well, thanks so much for stopping by and I'll see you again hopefully.

590
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:15,480
Bye bye.

591
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,480
Thank you so much.

592
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:17,480
Appreciate it.

593
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,480
Cheers.

594
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:19,480
Bye.

595
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:20,480
Yeah.

596
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,280
Oh, exactly because we get answers straight away.

597
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:23,280
We get food straight away.

598
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:24,280
We get everything else straight away.

599
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:25,280
It's swipe left swipe right.

600
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,280
Yeah.

601
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,280
You know, that's it, isn't it?

602
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,360
No one's got the, well, I'll say no one's got the time.

603
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,840
But no one's got the inclination to have more, spend more time.

604
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:32,840
They need to.

605
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:33,840
So yeah.

606
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,840
Yeah.

607
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:41,600
I will be thinking about saying no more often.

608
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,600
In fact, I'm going to go to my sleeves.

609
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,600
I'm going to go see the wife in a minute.

610
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,600
Yeah, right.

611
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:47,600
I'm not going to say no to her.

612
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:48,600
You've got to be kidding.

613
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:49,600
You've got to be honest, right?

614
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,600
You've got to be honest.

615
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:51,600
Just go yes and.

616
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:52,600
What a condition.

617
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:53,600
Oh, yeah.

618
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,600
Okay.

619
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:55,600
All right.

620
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:56,600
I'll give that a well.

621
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:57,600
I'll let you know how that works out.

622
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,600
Next time you see me, a big black eye right now.

623
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:00,600
I hope not.

624
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,600
It's true.

625
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,600
I'll let you know though.

626
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,600
I'll say Kyle, tell me to say this.

627
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:16,080
Anyway, let me just stop the recording.

628
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,400
If you enjoyed this conversation, you can watch more author conversations here.

629
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,400
[MUSIC PLAYING]

630
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,400
[MUSIC PLAYING]

631
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,400
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